The Ministry of Truth

Congress passes Iraq resolution with help from newcomer Senator Laden

Senator Bin Laden, a new face on the Senate floor who looks kinda familiar — but we can’t place it, was the President’s top supporter on the Iraq issue.

Washington, D.C. — The House and Senate have voted overwhelmingly to grant President Bush the power to attack Iraq unilaterally, cause widespread disruption in the Middle East, and inspire thousands of terrorists around the world, thanks to the support of brand-new Senator Laden and his intense support for the Iraq resolution and the President.

Sen. Laden — who reminds us of somebody, someone important from a long time ago, we’re not sure — said at a press conference that he was most pleased with the passage of the resolution, and couldn’t wait for a unilateral strike against Iraq by the United States.

“Praise be to George W. Bush,” said Sen. Laden, who first spoke to a translator before his message was repeated in English, a rare scenario for a United States Senator.

Despite the new Senator’s unorthodox methods and oddly familiar face and name, the President was honored to have his support in pushing the resolution through the House and Senate.

“America has finally done the right thing, after taking about four months longer than it should have,” said the President. “I especially want to thank by new friend in Senator Laden here. Despite his strange towel hat which I have constantly made fun of with Rumsfeld, the fact that his skin color is quite a bit darker than the average Senator, and a tiny thought in the back of my mind that I know this person from some other time, some other place, like a childhood memory of a nightmare…”

“Well, his strenuous support has made this all possible,” continued Bush. “Thank you, Senator Laden, for your support against America’s current number one evildoer: Saddam Hussein.”