The Ministry of Truth

Nation’s capital moved to Florida for final election push

Washington D.C. airlifted to central Florida yesterday evening, giving President Bush more time to campaign for his brother

Celebration, Fl. — The capital of the United States awoke this morning to find itself located in central Florida, after a massive unannounced move late last night. The move was ordered by the President in an effort to allow him to campaign more effectively for his younger brother, Florida Governor Jeb Bush.

Florida’s gubernatorial race between Bush and corporate lawyer Bill McBride may be one of the most important elections taking place on November 5. The transfer of Washington D.C. to the center of the storm is designed to enable the business of government to continue while the campaign machine in Florida reaches high gear.

“Winning Florida is our most important challenge,” said White House spokesman Ari Fleischer. “That is, after winning the war on terror, the war against Iraq, and the war to improve the economy. A simple relocation of the capital now gives the President more power to run the country and campaign for Jeb concurrently.”

While the Bush family was pleased with the outcome of the move and the opportunities it will create, some Washington citizens were disappointed at the decision to move the entire district to Florida without any prior notice.

“Man, I have to be at work in 30 minutes, but I’m down here in Florida!” said Andy Fernandez, a now-local auto mechanic.

As part of this continuing new trend, former New York mayor Rudy Gulliani was airlifted today to Tallahassee, along with the entire site of the World Trade Center disaster in Manhattan, to campaign on behalf of Governor Bush.