The Ministry of Truth

US dropping high-interest credit card offers on Iraqi troops

“Black Ops” campaign aims to distract Saddam’s armies with annoying debt-collection calls, poor credit reports

CENTCOM, Qatar — As the ground war in Iraq begins, the propaganda war is just getting heated up. Army Gen. Tommy Franks confirmed today that new leaflets in the form of extremely volatile high-interest credit card offers were being dropped on Iraq by the thousands.

The US had been dropping leaflets on the region for several weeks urging Iraqi soldiers to lay down their weapons, as the “credit card offer project” was originally deemed to violate several international treaties including the Geneva Convention.

Gen. Franks said that other unorthodox methods of operation may be in place soon as well, including having hundreds of pizzas delivered to Saddam Hussein’s many palaces, transmitting Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” constantly on all radios in the region, and forcing Iraqi troops to be guests on ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel Live.

While the total effectiveness of the credit card leaflet campaign may not be truly gauged for many months, the Pentagon says that there have already been several casualties of the offer.

“I see offer, free credit, laying in sand. Wife want television, wife want makeup, so we get,” sobbed Fahd Al-Ujaimy, formerly of the elite Republican Guard, to a CENTCOM official. “Now VISA people calling me all time and curse me. I cannot pay, interest so high. I gladly give up to get collection people stop. Please!”