The Ministry of Truth

Disney awarded Iraq rebuilding contract

Washington — The first contracts for rebuilding post-war Iraq have been awarded, and The Walt Disney Company is one of the early winners. Disney officials impressed the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers after a tour of the “planned city” of Celebration, Florida.

American companies of every industry are lobbying the government for a chance to serve the people of Iraq once they are liberated. Representatives from McDonald’s, Budweiser, and the Church of Scientology have made proposals to the Army for a spot in post-war Iraq.

Disney officials had little to say about their specific plans for a new Iraq, but they confirmed that the Disneyland Baghdad theme-park would be constructed as soon as possible, and might contain attractions such as Mr. Toad’s Wild Oil Geyser Ride and Donald Duck’s Sandstorm Attack.

“We hope this will be a place where all cultures can come together, not just the people of Iraq, but Americans who wish to travel to this part of the world they’ve seen so much of on TV — and do it safely,” read a press release from the company. “Disney is positive that the Iraqi people are filled with excited anticipation as they await the unveiling of our new vision for their country.”

In addition to Disney’s new presence in the Middle East, officials said that Iraq would be gaining visibility back in Orlando. “We have plans to finally add Iraq to the World Showcase at EPCOT,” said a company representative. “We’ll be fitting it in right next to the ‘American Experience.’ Guests will see Iraq destroyed as part of an elaborate light-show from the American pavilion every night.”