WASHINGTON — An embarrassed President Bush admitted to his closest war advisors today that he had thought that the Iraqi people were all dwarfs, thereby giving the invading regular-sized American forces a huge advantage in battle.
“Nobody’s sure where he got that idea, I certainly never meant to convey that,” said Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld. “I personally feel that he might have watched ‘The Wizard of Oz’ right after a briefing a few months ago and got confused.”
The President hasn’t made any public statements regarding the matter, but officials speculate that he began to see his error after viewing Iraqis being taken into custody as POWs.
“He had to just be thinking, ‘Whoa, those are some big-ass Iraqis!’” said a White House official. “I can only imagine how the President envisioned the war based on his incorrect facts. Like, would American troops just be able to squash Iraqi soldiers like cockroaches in his mind?”
The leaked news of the President’s gaffe only fueled recent speculation that the Pentagon overestimated the success of their original war plan and have ordered more troops in the region only to correct planning errors.
Military Historian Steven Grimsley said that while doing battle with “little people” would have its share of surprises, the tall soldiers would indeed have the ultimate advantage.
“If the President and even other civilian military planners were basing battle plans on the enemy being ‘Munchkins,’ clearly they would be overestimating their own strength,” said Grimsley.
“Even then, it wouldn’t be a cakewalk. Those little buggers can latch on your ankles and bite hard,” said Grimsley.