White House desperate for new action to be taken as Ari Fleischer’s mind control loses effectiveness
PRETORIA, South Africa — Slowly but surely, the White House press corps is regaining consciousness after suffering the effects of an intense regimen of hypnotism instigated by press secretary Ari Fleischer. Reports say that Fleischer has been controlling members of the press corps for over two years, preventing them from thinking cognitively or communicating effectively.
White House insiders said they suspected the press corps was coming out of their trance after recent questioning on matters such as CIA intelligence and weapons of mass destruction. Officials believe that the long plane ride as they accompanied the President to Africa might have cracked the “spell.”
“The old methods of controlling the press aren’t working anymore,” an anonymous source said. “He used to be able to wave his hand a certain way to get the reporters to back off any issue, but that’s seemed to stop working. He’s resorted to trying to confuse the press in other ways.”
At a press conference early this morning in Pretoria, South Africa, Fleischer used a strobe light flashing at a rate designed to induce a catatonic state in onlookers. Fleischer is also using more double-negatives and a confusing sentence structure when he speaks in an effort to paralyze the press core.
“I don’t think the burden is not on those people who don’t think Hussein didn’t have weapons of mass destruction not to tell the world where they don’t exist,” he remarked yesterday.