The Ministry of Truth

Don’t Know formally announces presidential bid, leads all Dems in polls

Concord, New Hampshire — Don’t Know formally announced his bid for President in the 2004 election today at a well-attended rally. Despite the low profile and nonexistent biography and outlined positions of the unknown candidate, Know leads all Democrats in a national poll administered by Fox News.

“My name is Don’t Know, and I’m running for President!” exclaimed the darkly silhouetted Know in a hazy voice.

Following the announcement, an official with Joe Lieberman’s campaign voiced his disappointment with Know’s lack of stances on any policy. “Don’t Know has no policies on anything! He hasn’t made it clear where he stands on health care, the budget, the war in Iraq, or anything at all, and the American people won’t vote for someone with no positions,” said the source.

Know’s Campaign Director disagrees with that assessment, and argues that their non-position on every issue will be a key to victory in 2004.

“A CBS poll just released shows that most registered Democrats are unaware of the names of any of the candidates running for President,” said Campaign Director Kevin Littleton. “We feel this plays right into our hands. If we can keep up this lack of knowledge and interest in the political process on the part of the Democrats, we have a strong chance of winning this thing.”