The Ministry of Truth

Report: Americans feeling pinch of worldwide freedom supply shortage

Official: “There’s only so much freedom in the world to go around. As Iraqis gain freedom, Americans lose it.”

GENEVA — Officials at the International Freedom Monitoring Center released a distressing report today outlining their dire predictions for the future of worldwide freedom supply shortages which could affect Americans for years.

“There’s only so much freedom in the world to go around. The Iraqis are using up all of the freedom reserves with their new liberation, and Americans are paying the price with a strained freedom supply back at home,” said Jean-Marc Boulgaris, author of the study.

“I mean, what if the Americans liberate Syria or North Korea next? Does anyone realize that if there’s another single jolt to the freedom supply, America will become a totalitarian state?” said Boulgaris.

“America’s freedom levels are already near record lows,” he said.

The White House scoffed at the Center’s claims, pointing out that America still has enough freedom reserves to last another several years.

“Don’t forget, our respected scientists haven’t found anything to suggest that freedom is on a decrease here in America,” said House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R- Texas). “However, I’m afraid you must be placed under arrest immediately for asking that question.”