The Ministry of Truth

White House outlines new “Fuck Yourself” initiative

Vice President introduced the plan on the Senate floor to great success; President annouces the initiative in a series of speeches

Washington — The Bush Administration’s new plan of attack against the crazed rantings of left-wing traitors officially debuted today after the President launched “Operation: Fuck Yourself.” President Bush didn’t offer many specifics on the plan, but stated that attacks from Democrats would be met by a “strong fucking response” from now on.

The White House sees the plan as an important tool to fend off unsubstansiated attacks on the Administration’s personal character, leadership, and corporate riches earned through international energy services companies during the course of the Iraq war. Several White House officials have already eagerly embraced the plan.

Even as President Bush marked the early transfer of political power back to the Iraqis today, he declared “the Iraqis people have their fucking country back. If you don’t like freedom then you too can go fuck yourself.”

In another example of the sweeping initiative’s reach, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan called liberal filmmaker Michael Moore a “big fucking fat bag of shit” during a press briefing today.

Attorney General John Ashcroft was quick to point out to Amercans that if they hear the President or Vice President use the phrase “fuck youself,” that it does not indeed mean you should literally have sexual contact with yourself. “Masturbation, along with homosexuality, is indeed banned by article 201.5 of the USA motherfucking-Patriot Act,” Ashcroft said.

While some members of the Bush Administration seemed especially gifted at applying the “Fuck Yourself” plan to their public statements, others had trouble adjusting to the new methodology.

National Security Advisor Dr. Condoleezza Rice told reporters at a briefing yesterday that “the President intends to continue to build a… shit… international consensus on… fuck… Iraq.” A White House official said that Presidential Adviser Karl Rove spoke with Dr. Rice following her statements to teach her the proper use of the “Fuck Yourself” plan.