The Ministry of Truth

President finally leaves Sarasota classroom after finishing “My Pet Goat”

Bush: “Did I miss anything big?”

Sarasota, FL — President Bush completed reading children’s book “My Pet Goat” with an elementary school class early today and finally allowed the students and teachers in attendance to leave the classroom. Bush began reading the book on the morning of September 11, 2001 and has been criticized for staying in the classroom instead of providing leadership to a country in need.

The President emerged from Emma E. Booker Elementary School this morning looking dazed and pale, before asking aides if he had missed anything important during his extended reading session. “We had a good lesson, good readers in there,” the President said. “What day is it now anyway? Everything okay here?”

Teacher Sandra Kay Daniels had to teach her students to survive on paste found in an art-supply bin. Even so, most of the children were weak from malnutrition after such a lengthy lesson.

“My legs are broken from sitting in that stupid desk for so long,” said one second-grader. “Who was that dumb a– in there?”