The Ministry of Truth

Abu Ghraib abuses were actually totally consensual pornographic photo shoot

Congressman Shays: Abu Ghraib abuses weren’t torture, young boys are prey, and rape simply does not exist.

Republican Rep. Christopher Shays of Connecticut, who is in a tough re-election fight, said Friday the Abu Ghraib prison abuses were more about pornography than torture. Political satire is redundant Alert

“I have been told by the highest authority that a hardcore pornographic website signed contracts with inmates at the prison as well as the Army Reserve unit stationed there,” Says said. “Everyone involved was compensated fairly and the highest care was taken for physical and psychological safety of the inmate actors at all times.”

“Now, we’ve all seen what happened in Abu Ghraib, and Abu Ghraib was not torture,” Shays said at a debate Wednesday. “Clearly, the individuals doing the role playing as ‘prisoners’ each had a safe-word they could utter at any time if things got too intense.”

Abu Ghraib is the Baghdad prison where the completely consensual and non-abusive role-playing led to an international scandal. Iraqi detainees at Abu Ghraib were portrayed as having been brutalized and sexually humiliated by military police and intelligence agents in the fall of 2003. At least 11 U.S. soldiers have been nominated for adult film awards.

One of the inmates who participated as an actor in the photo shoot backed up Shays’ comments, adding that it was a positive experience and that the success of the faux-scandal has led to many other career opportunities. “I’m now am very sought-after for fetish parties and other sex ring events,” said the former prisoner who wished to remain anonymous. “Business is good.”

Still, Congressman Shays went on the record to say that while he respected the individual freedoms expressed at Abu Ghraib, he was officially not into that sort of edge-play.

“I saw, like, probably 600 pictures of really freaky, perverted stuff,” Shays said. “The bottom line was it was sex… It wasn’t primarily about torture. It’s not my thing, but alternative fetishes are what make America great. It’s precisely why the terrorists hate us.”

“It was outrageous, outrageously sexy involvement of National Guard troops from (Maryland) who were involved in a sex ring and they just basically took pictures of soldiers who were naked,” added Shays. “And they did other things that were just outrageous. But it wasn’t torture.”