The Ministry of Truth

Epcot’s Iraq attraction opens to the public, Disney under fire for lack of accurate warnings

Mickey Mouse kidnapped, whereabouts unknown

Day 1 body count: 639 injured, 23 dead

Iraq is the latest country to be represented in the World Showcase at Disney World’s Epcot theme park. The attraction officially opened to the public today at the Orlando resort.

The Iraq complex features an ornate pavilion, dining indigenous to the region, and a terrifying, nightmarish ride which encapsulates current Iraqi life and culture.

The ride, called “A Happy Little Sunday Drive from Baghdad to Ramadi, Hooray!”, has drawn criticism from a range of watchdog groups for the great potential for deep physical and psychological trauma on anyone who experiences the attraction.

In a break from tradition, warning signage placed around the entrance to the ride contain no mention whatsoever of the serious specific dangers to those with heart or spinal conditions, pregnant women, children, adults, men, and women. The warning announcements merely state that “You’re about to experience a cakewalk. We hope you like flowers, because you’re going to have them thrown upon you from the thankful children of a nation who will will worship you for liberating them. Yay!”

Disney has yet to release a definitive account of what the ride entails, and the stunned survivors who slowly emerged into the Florida sunshine following their experience had no comment, or where unable to comment.

Iraq’s opening day was marred by a mishap at the gift shop after several improvised explosive devices were detonated.