The Ministry of Truth

President’s Easter prayers for troops only heard by Gods with a sense of humor

Fort Hood, Texas — President Bush, worshipping at an Army post, prayed for peace Sunday in an Easter service about avoiding the forces of sin and doing what is right.

“I had a chance to reflect on the great sacrifice that our military and their families are making,” Bush said outside the chapel at Fort Hood, Texas, after the service. “I prayed for their safety, I prayed for their strength and comfort, and I pray for peace. And I did it all with an open heart and a straight face.”

Theological reports indicate that the fundamental hypocrisy in the President’s prayer ensured it would only be heard with deities with an extraordinary, almost supernatural sense of humor.

“Only the Gods most delighted with irony would hear this prayer,” said Dr. Horace Allen, Professor of Worship, Boston University School of Theology.

“Poseidon has a great sense of humor, for example. There’s a lot more to Him than the whole ‘ocean thing’. I expect that He’d get a kick out of it,” said Dr. Allen.

Back at the Crawford ranch, the Easter menu included fire-glazed ham, green chili cheese grits souffle, roasted orange molasses sweet potatoes, roasted asparagus, coconut cake and tears shed by cute baby animals.