The Ministry of Truth

President expected to remind nation that he still has 357 days to fuck you up

President Bush’s last State of the Union address is expected to serve as a harsh reminder to the American people that he doesn’t leave office until January 20, 2009, still providing him ample opportunities to personally rape the entire world, administration officials said.

Bush will systematically go though the litany of plans he has for the rest of his term, White House spokesman Tony Fratto said. These initiatives may or may not include at least one more war in the Middle East, dissolution of the United States into the new American Union, and the revocation of Amendment 22, which concerns presidential term limits.

“The president also wants to ensure the American people not get distracted by the primary elections currently taking place,” Fratto said. “He’s still the president and he can send anybody to Guantanamo Bay, whether they’re running for president or not.”

The president spent Sunday afternoon at the White House rehearsing the address and its elaborate special-effects laden finale.